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"Never forget where you came from "

Sept 15, 2011

There is only one place to start when talking about this film. How sexy is Zoe Saldana? Remember when she strips down in to her bare essentials in Star Trek? Or Avatar, where she was the voice of 10ft fall alien tribes women with a tail that could be used for sex! Oh what a woman and yes I would take her in her blue form and be her 'Jack sullliieeee'!

Right, now I have finished expressing my deep dark erotic alien desires let us get back to the subject at hand. Colombiana is a film based on a simple premise, vengeance. This won't be much of a spoiler because if you've seen the trailer it gives this premise away from the outset. The main character Cataleya (Saldana) is the daughter of a hitman under the employ of a Columbian drug lord Don Luiz. He no longer wishes to continue this line work anymore and appears to have reached an amicable resolution with his employer to start a new life with his family. Unfortunately for him Don Luiz has no intention of letting him leave. He arranges for his henchmen to go to the family home and gun down Cataleya's parents in front of her! Bearing in mind she was only 9 years old at the time you'd think this harrowing experience would break her. But even from this early age, the seeds of vengeance are sown deep within her heart. Subsequently she seeks out her uncle Emilio (Cliff Curtis) who takes her under his wing and gives her love, support and the ability to handle an AK47. Yes you guessed it she becomes an assassin!

It'd be ill advised for me provide any more description of this move because honestly I feel like I have given away too much already. The story is woefully thin, contrived and very cliché. This film no doubt generated interest with due to its sexy lead actress and the involvement of Luc Besson (writer and producer) who is associated with some great cult action flicks like Leon, the first transporter, and of course more recently Taken. Unfortunately this film does not come close in terms of the quality of those aforementioned titles. There are far too many plot holes. For example at the age of ten Cataleya is given a sim card which she uses to get into the American Embassy. No reference is given to what information is on that sim card. The only indication that the information on there may have been of importance to any of the characters is when you fast forward twenty years and Don Luiz is under C.I.A protection. Is it due to this mysterious sim card data? This is not clarified or even alluded to.

However there are some good actions sequences in the film. One in particular scene involving an assassination of a cartel member in a police station is stylishly constructed, with the seductive nature of the female protagonist being used unashamedly utilised to augment these scenes. But that just the problem, it feels like a collection of scenes rather than one fluid movie. Furthermore for a film based purely on vengeance the final conclusion is surprisingly unsatisfying to say the least. The best way to approach this film would be to manage expectation. If you expect Taken or Leon, you will be bitterly disappointed. You may find it more enjoyable if you just take it for what it is, a seduction of subtle sexuality and violence which is a garnish to a generic action film about vengeance.

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